Brand Name
by LovingAssault
Summary: Misa has the bright idea of turning L's fancy signature into a....branded line of clothing. So, what is L going to have to do about this? Putting her back in solitary confinement comes to mind. LxLight banter.
1. A Bright Idea

**BRAND NAME**

**Me: First fan fiction, huh? My pleasure. *bows***

**Matsuda: This is…going to suck.**

**Me: For you, maybe.**

**Matsuda: Eh?**

**Me: Oh, relax, mon chere. You shall understand in due time.**

**Matsuda: You're a new author, yet I hate you already.**

**Me: That's not very nice. Learn some manners, bub.**

**Matsuda: *shudders***

**Me: What?**

**Matsuda: Split personality.**

**Me: Muahaha! Yes! But enougha this, my split personality shall be revealed later!**

_**C'est la commencement!**_

**Matsuda: You failed French, didn't you….**

**Me: *cries* How insensitive…you obviously don't know how to treat a lady! No wonder you don't have a girlfriend!**

**Okay, time for my first fic. Enjoy, and don't be too harsh.**

**-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

"Move over, L."

L reluctantly scooted over on the leather couch, and then resumed his slouched position as he sipped his tea. Matsuda sat beside him, watching the TV mounted on the opposite side of the room. Light stretched his arms, glad to be relaxing after a long day of work. He closed his eyes. The silence was heavenly…

"LIGHT! _Light_, where ARE yoooouuuuu?!" Light groaned loudly, along with the other two. He hunched his shoulders and waited for the person screeching his name to run inside the room. His fears were realized as the door slammed open and a blonde teenage girl, clad in a frilly black dress, leapt inside.

"Light! Light, you HAVE to see this!" Misa jumped onto the recliner positioned adjacent to the sofa and placed a large plastic bag onto the armrest.

"Misa, we are trying to relax." Matsuda tried to calm the girl while Light flopped back onto the couch. Not only was he tired, he was also in no mood for the models hyper activeness. At least not that day. He looked at L, who nodded and continued to sip his tea. Light flipped over and put his head on the armrest. Rest was vital. Light stared down at the handcuffs encircling his wrist, and moaned slightly. If only he could get the damn chains taken off, he might have been able to find an empty room somewhere and sleep…

"_Pffft_!"

Both Light and L stared in the direction of the strange sound. Matsuda, holding a soda, stared at Misa. She was dangling something in front of his shocked face.

Misa giggled. "Matsuda, why are you in shock?" she looked at him mischievously. She shook the object, which looked like a little piece of cloth.

"Misa…" Matsuda's eyes were wide.

"Are those…panties?!"

Both Matsuda and Light burst out laughing as L spoke the obvious. Misa stared at them. "What? What?"

She showed them the rear end of the dainty lace panties. On the back was a lone symbol.

Light and Matsuda burst out laughing again. L's eyes grew wide.

"Misa…why is my signature L on the back of that underwear?"

Misa giggled as Matsuda and Light laughed hard- so hard they were wiping tears from their eyes.

"Oh, silly boy! Listen up, all of you!" The two stopped laughing and began gasping for breath, but eventually quietened.

"Okay, Misa. Explain." Light settled back on the couch, his face red. This had to be the strangest day ever.

Misa placed the panties on the armrest, and then started to speak. "You see, Misa Misa had grown especially fond of L's signature. So, Misa Misa had the greatest idea EVER!" She grabbed the suggestive piece of cloth and showed them the back again. Matsuda snorted, while Light shot looks at L. He was flushed, and was staring at Misa with wider eyes than ever- the most emotion Light had seen him display. Ever.

"I decided…to turn it into a BRAND!" L groaned and dropped his teacup.

"Misa…you can't do this…" he tried to protest, but Misa was too jubilant to stop at this point, despite of the fact that her idea was frying L's brain.

"I'll bring up the clothes at my next photo shoot," Misa continued while the others braced themselves, "and wear them for advertising. Soon, L will be a household name!" She smiled wide and looked at them.

"Well? What do you think?" She asked. L twitched. Light desperately tried to think of something he could say to stop his crazy girlfriend.

"Misa, I don't think you can only start a clothing line with a pair of panties…" Light started, but Misa cut him off.

"Oh, don't worry about THAT, Light!" Misa pulled out a bra, a sleeveless shirt, and a purse from her bag, all of them decorated with L's siggie. L practically died. Light watched, mouth open, as Misa flounced out of the room.

"L-Light?" L stared at him in horror.

"I don't know, L. I really don't." Light shook his head.

**Yes, it's short. I'll do more later, Sayonara, sweethearts!**


	2. Problem With Perfume Commercials

**Me: Have you seen that perfume commercial?**

**Matsuda: What perfume commercial?**

**Me: I was watching TV the other day when I saw this perfume commercial.**

**Matsuda: How did it go?**

**Me: This dude kept talking about this girl…man. It was a funny : Random.**

**Me: You have to see it. I'm searching for it on YouTube.**

**Matsuda: I hate perfume. I have allergies.**

**Me: Sucks to be you! Perfume kicks ass! Anyways, I shall reward you all…by writing a longer chapter this time! **_**C'est magnifique!**_

**-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

Light yawned his way towards the kitchen, until he heard the clank of a chain tightening. He groaned, and then walked back to the bed and yanked on L's arm.

"L. Dammit. Wake up." L opened his eyes slowly and stared up at Light with the most annoyed look on his face, but he got up. Light just rolled his eyes and together they walked out of the bedroom.

"You know, if you took these chains off-"

"Forget it." L snapped at him. He rubbed his eyes, "You are still a suspect and you know it. Try to make the best of the situation. It's not like I enjoy being chained to you, anyway."

Light grabbed a fork and a plate of pre-prepared cheesecake off the countertop and slid onto the nearby couch, in front of the TV. It was best to ignore L when he was in one of his moods, just in case he made a sarcastic remark and Light got the sudden urge to slap him upside his head. Light turned to see what L was doing, but was startled by L sitting besides him on the couch, without a plate. His eyes were intently focused on Light's slice of cake.

Light stared back and forth from his plate to L. "L…why don't you get your own plate of cheesecake? I think there's more in the fridge."

L just shook his head. Sadly. Light started to feel microscopic pangs of guilt. His slice WAS pretty big. Light sneaked a side look at L again. L's face was flushed.

"Gah." Light slid his plate over to L, and then placed the fork in his hand.

"That's what I get for waking you up, I guess." He placed his arms behind his head and stared at the ceiling, waiting for a "thank you" or something. Instead, he heard the fork hit the glass plate. He snapped. How rude.

"Oh, come ON, L! Just because you're the best detective on earth doesn't give you the right to be-" Light was interrupted mid-rant as the detective pushed his fork into Light's mouth.

Light chewed and swallowed, and proceeded to stare at L for the longest time. L just stared back.

Until the door slammed open.

"Turn on Sakura TV!" Matsuda ran in. The others turned to stare at him.

"Matsuda…isn't it your day off?" L asked dryly.

"That doesn't matter now! Turn it on!" Matsuda yelled. Light grabbed the remote and turned on the TV. Just as the reporter stopped talking and the commercials began to come on.

"Matsuda! What the he-" Light watched as Matsuda lept onto the couch between him and L.

"Watch, dammit! Just watch!" He demanded. Both of them grew quiet as a commercial started.

The screen darkened as it showed a beautiful woman in a little black dress walked onto a lone street in the middle of the night. As a man in a suit followed her. A narrator spoke in an airy voice.

"_She is dark. She is the night. She is irresistible."_

"Typical perfume commercial." Light muttered. "Matsuda, why are you making us watch this anyw-"

"SSSSSHHHHH!" Matsuda glared at Light, slightly crackishly. Light sucked in his breath and stared at the TV again. Issues.

"_She is like a lone star. She is entrancing. She smells nice. She is like a tall glass of water."_

"_What_?" All three of the men wondered aloud, staring at each other. But they kept watching.

"_She is what she is. And what she is is a dark-like-the-night irresistible lone star entrancing tall glass of water that smells nice."_ The narrator ended his strange, stalkish analysis of the girl.

"What the hell?" All three men looked at the screen as it displayed a star-shaped bottle with a black lid, and the signature L hanging off of a chain on the glass bottle.

"_L, the fragrance."_

"Could have seen that coming." Matsuda murmured. L stared at him hatefully, and then sucked in his breath. No doubt, it was Misa who had compiled the retarded commercial instead of a professional. As be was brooding though, the narrator purred two last words which made his blood run cold.

"_A fragrance for her."_

L's mouth dropped open as Light and Matsuda burst out laughing.

"In the last three days, Misa has opened a store, made a line of merchandise, AND screwed with L's name!" Matsuda wiped tears from his eyes.

"No way!" Light snorted as the commercial ended. "Who woulda though-"

His sentence was cut off as L yanked him off the couch and headed towards the door.

"Come on, Light. We're going shopping."

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A few minutes later, they were riding in one of L's many cars. Light rolled his eyes as they approached the largest store within a mile.

"Leave it to Misa to overdo it." L grimaced as he stared at his signature L displayed in neon red balanced on top of the wide building. It was to much. On TV and in the paper had been enough.

"L, that bird is about to go on your signature…" Light smirked as L dashed out of the car. A person can only take so much.

"Bloody bird! Get away from there!" But it was too late. L stared, crushed, at his name. It had been tarnished with the white blotch. L glared daggers at the bird, which, having relieved itself, was perched on top of the roof of a car.

"Get back here!" L yelled as he ran at the bird. "I'll teach you for shitting on my name!"

"L, that's enough!" Light grabbed the detective's shoulder, as he chased the bird around the parking lot. Light pulled him towards the entrance. L was breathing heavily, still seething. Whatever awaited them in there, it would be a disaster. L braced himself for something that would screw his life up even more.

**Matsuda: That was…still short.**

**Me: Well, I can't do anymore. I have a life, you know. **

**Matsuda: Like what?**

**Me: School. Work. Other people's romances.**

**Matsuda: *shrugs* that works.**


	3. Shopping Trip From Hell

**Me: People are SO going to flame me for this chapter…**

**Matsuda: Why is that?**

**Me: It…kind of showcases L's special talent…**

**Matsuda: What talent-**

**Me: Oh yeah! I totally -L-ed my cell phone.**

**Matsuda: How do you -L- a phone?**

**Me: Pictures. Wallpaper. Start-up screen picture. Cell phone charms. Durrr.**

**Matsuda: You retard. Are you a fan girl?**

**Me: No. I just like L plastered all over my phone. **

**Matsuda: Oh.**

**Me: Is that bad?**

**Matsuda: *shakes head***

**-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

As L grudgingly walked stepped inside the store, he heard Light suck in his breath. L raised his head and stared at him.

"Light, why do you seem so surprised?" He asked. Light just looked in awe at the store.

"Its _huge!"_ Light proclaimed. L began to look around. His mouth dropped open for the second time that day.

The store was- for lack of a better word- huge. Neon Ls made up the walls. Racks and racks of clothing. And most of all-

"People." L groaned, not caring who heard him at this point.

People- teens, adults, even some kids- were everywhere, browsing the merchandise, trying on clothing, putting on makeup at the huge makeup counter. There was even a bar that ran the length of one of the walls. Naturally, it was packed.

"This isn't a store. It's a warehouse." Light looked down at L, who was biting his thumb nervously. He then turned around and tried to make his way out of the store without Light noticing-

"Dammit, L, get back here," Light rolled his eyes as he grabbed Ls collar. L whimpered slightly and cursed Misa for her model looks and never-ending charisma. How else could she have gotten all these people here?

"L, _you _dragged us over here in the first place. Now stand up and face it like a man."

L sighed deeply and shuffled his feet- and then gasped. In all the craziness in the past few hours, he had completely forgotten that he couldn't be seen by people without some form of cover-up. He stared down at his bare feet in shock. Then his pants. Then his shirt. Light stared at him all the way, thinking he had lost his mind.

"Urhm…L?"

"Light…we need disguises. _Now._" L mumbled. Light quickly grabbed Ls arm, looking for some form of temporary cover-up. Then he saw it. There was a strange heavenly light, and even angels singing, as he and L dashed into one of the change rooms. Light grabbed an entire rack of clothes and tossed it over to L. A few minutes later, L came out, wearing…

"Light…I hate you…."

Light burst out laughing as L came out, wearing a L brand-name skirt, L brand name ankle warmers, ballet flats, and a cute white top with a black bow on the side and a panda emblazoned across the front. Upon receiving L's glare of death, Light simply waved his hands out in front of him.

"Those were the only things I could find, I swear!" He giggled like a moron in his defense. L fumed- everyone was out to get him today. The only good thing was that he was someone who actually managed to crossdress without certain problems, like-

"Nice legs you got there!" Yelled one of the employees in Ls direction. One of the _male _employees.

"Yeah, when do they open?" The first employee gave his friend a high five, and they both started to laugh their asses off.

Until, of course, they saw Light.

"Damn, man! She's got a really buff boyfriend, man!"

"Oh my _god!_ Run, man, run!"

L stared, scarred for life. "W-what kind of idiots-"

"-did she hire?" Light completed. He looked sympathetically at L, who was shaking. Light sighed and smiled.

"Well, at least they thought you were really a girl. Here, put this on." Light tossed L a small, sparkly object. L stared at it, and then glared at Light.

"Don't push it." He replied snarkily.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A few moments later, though, L gave in and placed the little star barrette in his hair, hoping it would improve his performance. Light secretly laughed from time to time, but L didn't notice. He was too busy scanning the store for Japan's most wanted female criminal…

"Hey, does Misa Amane work here?" L asked a clerk at the bar in his best girly voice. The teenager turned around with DJ style headphones in his ears and a pocky stick in his mouth.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah…" Then he saw _Light. _He removed the headphones and the pocky, sat up straight, got out a pocket comb and brushed his hair, and then turned to face Light, blushing.

"What do you need, sir?" The clerk sneaked an evil, side look over to L, who drew back a bit. Scary people working in the scary store, L thought. Shopping trip from hell.

"Not much, I just need to see if Misa Amane works here." Light asked.

"Misa? Naw, she's the manager of the whole chain." The clerk replied. " If you have a question or complaint to make, you should talk to the manager. But first, why don't you and your lovely girlfriend explore the store?"

Light stared at L, who shook his head wildly. "I don't think that's necessary…" Light protested to the clerk. The clerk, however, had other ideas.

"In fact, why don't I give you a guided tour of the place?" he smiled at Light but glared daggers at L, who was now cowering behind the counter. This was why he never went shopping.

Light sighed. "I'm sorry, but we really can't-"

The clerk winked at him through boyish blonde bangs.

"Caaamon….it'll be fun."

**Matsuda: Short again?**

**Me: Short and sweet!**

**Matsuda: How many chapters will this thing be?**

**Me: About nine. Maybe ten.**

**Matsuda: This will get really old, really fast. **

**Me: Not to be vulgar, but there are some twists that I'm pretty much about to pull out of my ass. **

**Matsuda: I see….**

**Me: Farewell, folks. Watch out for those teenage store clerks.**


End file.
